Soooooo....some stuff has happened since I last posted. I got a new boyfriend last April....and I lost him last week. He and I had had some issues, like all couples, but I wanted to try and work things out, he did not apparently. The night before he broke up with me I was talking with my best friend from high school over skype, and we were talking about me and my boyfriend. I was explaining to her how he wasn't being very supportive that week while I was trying to deal with some really hard stuff (like my mom and step dad separating, and something else that happened to me that is worse but I do not care to share at this moment (also found out this summer that I am probably dyslexic and he didn't seem to care or believe me)). He also seemed to only be interested in me in a physical way. The only complements, or really the only things he would ever comment on, was my body. I don't believe he ever said anything to me about my self that wasn't physical. Now, I'm not some attention grabbing person or some one who needs to be complemented all the time, but one every once in awhile would be nice, especially if it was about something I had been working on or some trait that I have that is not physical. It made me feel like all he wanted was a friend-with-benefits, and that is not what I was looking for. I was looking for a boyfriend. Someone to love and care about me, and someone I could do the same for them. I want someone to spend the rest of my life with, not someone who is just going to use me up and throw me out. He also didn't seem to want to spend any time with me unless it meant we were going to do something physical. I wanted to try and talk out what I was feeling, and see if these issues could be resolved. He did not feel the same.
He asked if he could come over, so I said sure. He came in, sat on the opposite side of the room and said he wanted to break up. He said it was because we didn't spend enough time together (he always broke dates off with me and rarely did he try to reschedule), and that he never was going to consider moving states with me after college (so he lied because before he said he would consider it, and at least give it a try). Then he got up and left (not before saying I hope we can stay friendly). The break up took less than 5 minuets, and I didn't get to say anything.
I honestly don't believe that he was being truthful when he told me why he wanted to break up with me. I believe it was because I started refusing to do physical stuff with him because I wanted to work on our emotional relationship more. This is not the part that hurts the most. The part that hurts is that he didn't even care enough to talk with me about it, let me say something, be there for me when yet another thing went bad in my life. If you want to break up with someone, do it, but do it respectfully. That is one HUGE thing for me: respect. Now I question my entire relationship with him. Now I don't want to see him. Now I have lost respect for him. All because he couldn't sit with me for even 10 more minuets, and had a conversation with me. Yes, I have broken up with people, and it was hard, but at least I was still there for them. I sat there and took all the shit they could throw at me. I took the tears, I tried to comfort them the best that I could, I did everything I could to make it any less painful. The break ups had to happen, but in a respectful way. I have no idea what I did to deserve this. I have no idea why he couldn't just given me a little respect, and a little bit of his time. I have no idea if he even cares/cared about me. Before this, I was already having a shitty week, and this made it even worse. I somewhat understand why he broke up with me, I just can't understand why he didn't respect me. I understand it's hard to break up with someone, but I don't understand why someone would want to make it even harder on that person who they are breaking up with. Especially when once upon a time...they said they loved me.
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