Why do new things feel weird?

So as I've said I have a new boyfriend. It will officially have been one month this Saturday (today is Wednesday). However this relationship is well different to me. Ok I've only had one other "official" relationship, which didn't actually turn out well...But when I was in it I thought it was the best thing ever and that we were both so much in love! However it turns out I was the only one in love... And it has recently come to my attention that a lot of my friends saw how I cared about him but he didn't care that much about me (great friends for telling me huh?). Then again I might not have believed them, but now that I'm out of it I can see how they were right. I would do almost anything for him, and when his dad got sick all I could do was worry about how he was doing and how my ex (at that time not my ex) was dealing with it. But he didn't even care enough to tell me that his dad was going to be fine (found out through a mutual friend). Actually...he didn't even care to tell me that he wanted to break up. Instead he ignored me for 2.5 months....Then I broke up with him. So now in this relationship at least to me it is obvious that he cares about me too. Like one guy made me cry at work (no i didn't cry to his face) because I was having a horrible day and he made it even worse. Well my boyfriend then wanted to rip off his balls, and also he's always like if you don't like this I'll stop or change it or whatever, and he also listens to me rant about random stuff. To me this is all new and odd. I've always been the one to take care of others ever since kindergarten. When my friend Zach was made fun of cause he had more friends that were girls than boys. So I would tell him everything was going to be o.k., make him feel better, then i would have a little talk to those jerks. And anytime one of my friends looks down I always go and see if they want to talk. But now there's someone who's willing to do that for me. It's just weird because I'm use to bottling and dealing with stuff on my own, but now there is someone who I want to go to when I need help. Is it weird, but not in a bad way. It's just different.

Phone Calls or Texting?

OK so I've kind of noticed that all of my post except the one explaining (so all 4 of them) why I started this blog were kind of depressing/sad/what ever. So I decided to post one that really doesn't matter. At my mom's house (my parents are divorced and I live with both parents switching off on a regular basis) we all like to prove our points and well think we are right half the time. So I guess whenever we have an argument it turns out into a debate. Which you might be thinking "well that could be considered anyone's family" but it seems like we go through all of the stages openings, arguments, rebuttals and actually looks like a debate team practice. It's kind of funny except it can last for a long time. So, I was thinking, because there's not much to do at my job once I finish reading the books I brought, which is better a phone call or texting someone (without factoring money, types of phones, etc)? Here's what I came up with:
Texting:
Pros: quick, can easily multitask, if you don't have time or don't want to respond at that moment you can easily put it off till later, can talk to someone in person and text someone else (OK a little rude at times but still possible), can save your conversations, can have multiple conversations at once.
Cons: Can't hear the persons voice, can get easily confused if someone is serious or if they are joking, can easily be tricked thinking its one person when it's really another, people don't always feel like they have to respond to you, sometimes you have to wait a long time to get a response, not always very personal, can be dangerous if used at the wrong time, can easily accidentally send a message to the wrong person
Phone Calls:
Pros: Can hear the persons voice, can tell the others tone of voice, in a way its like the person is with you, can have multiple people on the same call, the call can always go to voice mail if your busy, easy to have long conversations, personal
Cons: Could possibly cause cancer though not proven yet, usually takes longer, can't multitask easily, harder to get off the phone then to just stop texting, can be dangerous if used at the wrong time
My conclusion: Both of these are very useful and have their advantages and disadvantages. And they both have their times of use.
When to use texting:
To send a quick message, with friends, not for serious conversations, not for breaking up with people, when you are busy, when you want to have a conversation through out the day
When to use phone calls:
With your family, with friends, for serious conversations, with the one you love

Of course there are other pros/cons to each and have other times to use each but these are the ones I came up with today at work.

Do We Ever Stop Living In The Past?

Do we ever stop living in the past? Ok I guess the true question is does the past ever stop affecting us? Of course we all get over the little things like not getting the birthday present we wanted or the fight we had with our bff in the 2nd grade, but what about the big things? Like moving states? Or a bad break up? Any of those events that change your life. Do we ever really move on after breaking up with someone we loved, even if they weren't "right" for us in one way or another? Or is that person permanently scratched into our hearts and minds? Sure the scratch fades/shrinks so we can move on, but do we really ever (move on)? We are changed if we notice it or not. We become more hesitant about certain things so we, hopefully, don't get hurt again. We try to "fix" ourselves to the liking of one other. But is there someone out there who's willing to take us for who we are? Un"fixed". Ok I got a little off track with that last thought, so lets get back on it. There are those events in your life that cause you so much pain, like a move that you didn't want to make or the lost of someone you care about, and it seems like some people get over them after awhile. But there are those of us, like me, who don't. I moved from one state to another right before my 6th grade year and when I got here I was bullied by this one girl who was my friend for 6 months before she turned on me. She made my friends turn their backs on me, called me names, tormented, even tried to start a few fights with me. Now I feel like I'm just waiting for that to happen all over again. Or like the time one of my family-friends died in a car crash at the age of 16. I think about it from time to time and feel really down-in-the-dumps because of it and can't stop myself from thinking about it. Does everyone keep thinking about stuff like that and some are just better at hiding it? Or is it just some of us? Or is it just me? And if some people are able to move on, how do they do it? How do they stop living in the past/stop the past from affecting them so much?

Oh And P.S. I think it's so cool that the first person to view this blog (who isn't me or my boyfriend) was from Germany!

What Am I Good For?

A question that has been in my mind ever since I started dating people... My first kiss wasn't until November of my 10th grade year. There was this guy who I like since 7th grade and who liked me back. He was really nice, and sweet, and everyone said we'd be perfect together. He switched schools, so that was the end of that. Or so we thought. We started to talk about dating in 10th grade, so we decided to hang out and see a movie (as friends). Half way through he kissed me and well...that first half was really the only half of the movie that I saw...He told me a week later that it'd be too hard to date since we went to different schools. My only real relationship I discovered recently was mostly physical it seems. We made out most of the time instead of really getting to know each other. And other guys have kissed me before, but now I have to wonder. What if this is the only kind of relationship I'm able to have? Why is it that I can see my friends have this amazing connection to their boyfriend/girlfriend, but when ever I try to get that it never ends up the way I hoped. I try to get to know the person, but it seems as if all they want to focus on is shoving their tongue down my throat. Is it just my taste in guys? Or is it me? After being hurt by so many people, have I just given up on making a real connection? As I said I have a new boyfriend, and I want this one to last as long as it can. How do I steer this relationship in the right direction before it ends up on a one way to heart break ville for the both of us? I know he is capable of having this type of relationship. Am I? Am I worthy of being loved by another emotionally as well as physically?

My writing

Ok I may be going a little crazy about this new blog. I mean 3 post in under an hour...wow. But I won't be blogging that much normally I can assure you. There are just a few things that I wanted to say right off the back. So I said I might be posting some of my writing, and so I dug up this old one from a few months ago. I'm not done editing it so feel free to give me suggestions!

I miss the way

I miss the way things use to be. Easy. Fun....
You use to play with me. And not just me asking you. You asked me too.
When you joined soccer, I joined just because you did.
When you went to your friends house, I followed.
We use to be really good friends. I miss that.

I miss you, even though I see you.
I see you everyday, but your not here
You talk to your friends, your girlfriend, but not to me.

You never talk anymore, you yell. "Get out!"
Are you really saying get out of your life?
Or you laugh "Haha you can't love him"
As if you know how I feel
Or, the worst of all, you sweet talk to get your way "I love you. Will you make me food?"

You treat me less than a person.
You treat me as a tool.
One to cook for you, clean for you, what ever you want

I do these things for you because I care about you.
I want to try to get closer to you
But you push me away
Like another hurdle to jump over in the race of life

But I am done now.
I am done trying to get you back in my life
I hate giving up
But I hate this even more

These little drops of water that come out of my eyes will shed no more
I am done.
You have finally passed over this hurdle
Taking with you a little memento;
a piece of my heart

Most people say siblings will grow closer once they grow up past the teenage years
I use to hope that was true
I don't know if it is anymore
We grew up, and grew apart.

But I will continue to hope
I will wait for you to return to me
I will continue to miss the way things use to be
And hopefully they will return; easy and fun

Hope you liked it!

"He'll just have to learn how to deal"

So recently I got a new boyfriend. I am soooo excited! He is really nice, caring, and I like him a lot!!!! My first, and well last, boyfriend was a total waste of my time. It started off great. We met in biology, and he drove me home a few times before he asked me out. We went out for a few months before we made it "official" and yes I was the one that had the balls to do it. It went great for the summer, we saw each other almost every day...but then school started, and his dad got sick...He ignored me for about 2 months before I broke up with him. Now this boyfriend, I don't believe that he will hurt me like the last one, or at least I hope not. But I do know that I am going to try my hardest not to hurt him. I really care about him and I believe he cares about me too. My brother does not approve, but since he won't really tell me why I'm not concered about it. I am finally happy and can see some light after living in a world of dark, so he'll just have to learn how to deal!

Well...here we go

Yay!!! New blog! I use to have one for my writing which I will post some of it later on, and now I've decided I have new things to say to the world if people want to read it or not. This blog I guess is just really going to be about well...my life I guess and random rants. But also I'll be posting some of my writing as well. I write a lot of things mostly the books I'm working on which sadly I will most likely not be posting those, but I'll be posting probably everything else. I wonder if anyone will actually read this...Hm I guess we shall see.