My feet know just what to do.

Tonight I filmed the district dance recital. It was really good. Before the show while we were setting up the cameras, I just started to dance not really thinking about it. I was suppose to be in that show, but the teacher told me that it was probably better to do an independent study with film because I was too advanced for a dance 1 course. In a way I wish I wouldn't have listened to her because tonight I realized just how much I missed dance. I felt like apart of me was missing, and when I went home and started to dance, I felt almost whole. I just miss it so much. It will always be apart of me. I don't even have to think about it. My feet just know what to do. They lead me through turns, leaps, what ever they choose. Would a dance teacher be able to criticize my techniques? Absolutely. Do I care? Only a little. I dance for me not for anyone else.

Remember Everything

My film teacher wanted me to enter a contest where I was suppose to create a music video using the song remember everything by five finger death punch. We aren't going to enter because we don't have enough time. My partner wanted to do it about nature. I wanted to do it about bulling. I have a strong connection to this song and a strong vision to for it. I might just create the video anyway. My connection to it is that I was bullied. I hated going to school. I hated going to girl scouts where she was. Every day I would go home and cry. I once even cried under a piano because of her. This song reminds me that the pain is still with me and effects everything I do and think. Even if I don't realize it. One black mark on the page of your life may seem unsignifcant at the time, but in the end it can grow so everything is black. You never know how someone will react to something. Something may mean more to one than to another. A girl said somethings to me and I just broke down crying at home. She probably didn't think it was a big deal, but it was so close to what my bully said, it tore me to pieces. Be careful. You don't know other's past.

“Good friends are like stars.... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there”

Best friends are always there for you. They know how you react to certain things. They are the people who will not laugh at you when you just get up and start dancing crazily during the end credits of a movie, instead they get up and join you. You have your ups and downs, but in the end you are still friends. They listen to you rant about things that may not matter and those that really do. They keep your secrets no matter what. They you can say anything to them, even things that don't make sense, and understand. They are the ones that are willing to tell you when you are being stupid. They are the ones that you can be yourself around. They are the ones that you can laugh about anything with. They are the ones that will always stand by your side. They are the ones that you have countless inside jokes and stories. They have been with you through thick and thin. They are the ones that you never let go.
Last night I spent the night at my best friend's house, and I felt some comfortable, and stress free. I love her like crazy, and can't wait to spend the rest of our senior years making memories.

Blind

Sometimes it's hard to get over things until someone is brave enough to come up and tell you that you're being stupid. I reacted over something of my boyfriend's, and my two best friends kind of flipped a s*** when I told them. One was more mad than the other....let's just say I'm happy she doesn't have his phone number... However another friend of mine at work told me how I was over reacting, and kind of just calmed me down. He was able to calmly explain things in a different point of view than I was thinking and made me realize something. I care too much about my boyfriend to let little things bother me.
On a happy note: I've decided a way to clear my head of drama and see new perspectives: WRITE MY BOOK!!! I'm now using different situations I'm in to help with it. I plan on hopefully writing 3. One on each year in high school (freshman year is in a junior high in my district). It will be interesting... I have so many stories to tell, and this could be some inspiration in my writing. Also, while I was mad at my boyfriend I wrote 2 paragraphs and my best friend said that it was written really well and she could see the pain behind the words. I can't wait to start digging through all of my old writings and to get started again. It was such a stress reliever that I don't know why I stopped. I can't wait to get started again!

Truth

Admitting the pain to someone you love can be harder than admitting it's there at all.